The Bird is in the nest!

Saturday Sept 10th
1:30pm

Roman and I arrived HOME. The plane touched ground in Toronto carrying a grateful new mama and Canada's newest addition, Roman Henry.
My sister, Cat, was the one to greet us at the arrival gate. At my request, the rest of the welcoming committee waited at our house. They all wanted to be at the airport but I had no idea what state either of us would be in, if the flight would be on time, how long immigration would take, ect ect. Too many variables so the group waited patiently at our house.
Cat and I started out at Pearson departures earlier this summer to bring this dream to reality and today she was at the arrivals gate. My little sister was the one I needed to see when I got off that plane. We started the journey to Roman together and would have happily returned with me to Russia to bring him home had life not gotten in the way.
After a long wait in immigration, we emerged to a teary, smiling ear to ear Auntie, waiving a "Team Roman" flag and trying to video tape the moment.
We made it to the parking garage before the first bump in the road


Next a comedic struggle to get Roman into his new car seat.....

me: "Don't you know how to use this car seat?"

Cat: "Dad installed it but we didn't have a baby to test it out"

me: "Well I can't figure it out. How does this f$%king clasp work? There's nowhere to buckle it?"

Cat: "We need the manual"

me: "I left the manual in the seat"

much rustling looking for manual, Cats phone ringing constantly with people looking for our eta, Roman half asleep and a little dazed, and me at the end of my rope.

Cat: "Found the manual"

me: "I am so thirsty, is there anything to drink? Find a stainless steel sports bottle and make the assumption that there's water inside. I take a sip... oh my god not water. Something rancid, spit it out the door, so gross. Find directions to secret hidden clasp that is needed to buckle baby into his new super safe, super comfy, super slick car seat and we are off.

It's a short ride to our place from the airport so in about 15 minutes we pulled up to the door and our people poured out the door. Group hugs, tears, laughter and lots of oooing and coooing over the star of this show. Mr Roman Henry who was clinging to mama but now accustomed to waking up in a new place with new faces. Welcome to your new nest little man. Mama needs a nap.

Full Circle

Dimitri picked us up at 7:30am on the day we left Russia for home.  The journey to the airport was long and chaotic but knowing it was the final drive made it much more bearable.  We are flying out of Domedevo which is a very busy and crowded airport but we arrived three hours ahead of our flight so we had plenty of time to navigate.  The line up to check in was insanely long but we got lucky. When I asked a man working at the Business Class line where we need to line up he took pity of me travelling alone with a baby and let me check in through the Business Class line.  Sweet!  When you check in through Business class you are then allowed to go through a shorter line for security.  Super sweet! 

The security paperwork for Roman was fine just asking for his passport and birth certificate before we could pass through.  We were at the gate an hour and a half before boarding.  It was great to be early enough that there's no need to stress about missing your flight but this airport sucks for killing time.  It is very crowded, very loud and very few shops and restaurants.  I had the stroller so we wandered around the duty free and strolled the aisles.  The only difficult bit was when I realised that I needed to change him before the flight.  The bathroom has NO changetable.  A large international airport with dismal facilities.  I had a disposable change pad so I had to lay him on the counter between the sinks and do a quick change.  I suppose it's good prep for the plane which is sure to be a situation where even more creativity will be needed.

So, fresh diaper and ready to board.  The gate was packed, felt like I was pushing my way to the front of the stage through a mosh pit with a stroller.  Someone helped me get him into the carrier and I managed to collapse the stroller with one hand... yaaa mama!  If you are travelling solo with a baby I highly recommend having a stroller and carrier.  On top of that you will have a rolly bag for carry on, a diaper bag and a purse.  This will be a physical hell  challenge and your back may get angry with you later.  Part sherpa, part mama and all in to get on that plane for home sweet home.

The plane was packed which wasn't a surprise, my agent had to have me on a wait list for this flight until two days before departure.  Oh Universe, please let there be an extra seat for Roman.  I hadn't purchased him a seat due to budget constraints relying on the good fortune I had so often experienced in this journey.  Fate had my back and not only was there an extra seat so we could sit with just the two of us but we were seated across from another mama flying solo with her baby boy.

This woman represented both the beginning and the end of my international adoption journey.  She is from Kazakhastan which is the country I originally began my journey before it closed for adoption. Her husband name is Roman and her son two months apart in age from my Roman. She lives in Toronto, speaks fluent Russian and welcomed me to keep in touch and keep a connection to Roman's native language and culture.  On the flight we helped each other with our babies.  She cooed and sang to him in Russian and I amused her son with my silly faces.  Being on the flight home with this new girlfriend closeby was truly magical and I knew that everything was just as it should be.  She was exactly what we needed to get through the last ten and a half hours of this journey home and I am once again in awe of our good fortune.

Full circle

Early Fall on the streets of Moscow

Fall came early and abrutly to Arbat Street.  Apparently a memo had been sent to the locals because the moment the tempature dipped the street became a catwalk for the Russian fall fashion show.  The open toed stilletos replaced by beautiful leather high heeled boots.  The colour palettte changed overnight not unlike the changing of the leaves in Canada.

I however was not prepared and had only running shoes and sandals.  It was too cold for anything open toed so I had to do the unthinkable...........socks with my sandals.  I am surprised I was not arrested by the Russian fashion police which they must have because how else can every single person be so flawlessly fashionable?

We stayed out of the public eye and dined exclusively at Russian Wendy's and McDonalds.  Far away from the delicious meals enjoyed in Volgograd my diet now consisted of anything I could hold in one hand and push the stroller with the other.  Roman doesn't like to be in a stroller that is not moving so to keep him content I keep it in constant movement.  Roman's meals are much nicer then mine.  There is a nice grocery store where I can get organic baby food for him.  He has organic meat and veggies and mama munches on a Big Mac.  I really should have just joined his diet.

So, the three days in Moscow were mainly spent strollering the streets of Arbat Street in between rain spurts.  We did not make it to Red Square due to inclement weather and a teething toddler.  When we had to be inside we made up games in the hotel room, crawled around the halls and annoyed the hotel staff.

It was grey and crappy but there were also giggles and nights spent cuddled up in a much comfier bed then Volgograd.  The translator told me that it was very unusual for a new mom and baby to be so obviously bonded so quickly.  Her mouth dropped open and hand went to her heart when she heard Roman call me Mama.  At first I thought he was just playing with making the mamamama sound but in Moscow it became clear that he was referring to me. 

His first word is "Mama" and that shines brighter then the greyness of Moscow

Cheque please... Judging from the smell I believe my baby just exploded

I think I failed to mention in the previous post that when we awoke that first morning at 6am with no kettle that in my desperation I made a bad judgment call.  I had either Moscow tap water which no one seems to consume and may be filled with countless harmful strains of bad stuff or in the diaper bag was a tetra pack of some kind of baby dairy.  It was not refrigerated because the fridge was not plugged in but it was in a tetra pack.  Neither ideal options but I had to do something so I smelled the diary and it smelled good so I mixed it with a bit of formula and gave it to Roman in the hopes that this would tide over his little belly until the buffet opened.

Bad call
A few hours later it re-emerged out the other end in an explosive smelly manner requiring several wipes and the burning of his onesie.  OK, I didn't really burn it but I did throw it out with the soiled diaper and wipes into the fancy hotel restaurant bathroom garbage.  Take that snobby staff!

The moral of the story... questionable dairy is never a risk worth taking

Water with gas and no kettle... how do you make formula?

Roman and I have now been home for one week.  Before I talk about coming home though I feel like I need to go back in time to where I left off my blogging.  This means that the dates don't mean anything but my tale is shared in sequence. 

So when I left off I was swearing and arrived after midnight at the Hotel Arbat.  I'd like to say that things got better but the truth is that it got worse.  We awoke the next morning both in desperate need of our bottles.  I needed caffeine and Roman needed his formula.  I looked around the room desperately searching for the kettle and water.  No kettle and the water provided by the hotel was a small bottle of water with gas.  It's 6:30am, he is crying for his bottle, I am at a loss on how I could produce it.  In my haze I walked my shin into the bed frame.  That was the proverbial straw... now both Roman and I were crying.  I only indulged in a few weeps as I found something to put on to go in search of hot water.  By the time I got to the lobby it was 7am and the buffet was open.  What a sight we must have been.  Roman red faced and crying in his sleeper and me frazzled, bed headed and sporting track pants, bottle in hand.  A man in a suit says to me in a not so friendly tone... "Room Number" 

Really?  This is the level of service and the room rate is over $300 a night?  Would a "how can I help you" just be too much to expect?  Fine.  Room 417, I need this bottle filled with hot water now and point me to the coffee.  Now I haven't totally lost it, I had no intention of drinking crappy coffee despite these circumstances.  I did make sure I had Roman's formula and my insta starbucks ready.  After we both had our bottles life looked a little better.

   

Midnight in Moscow

These are my unedited iphone notes i made in the car after arriving in Moscow (except i changed the f-bimb to something more appropriate.........

Its almost midnight
Moscow inDimetris car with the permablinker
It was extremely difficult alone
I had an angel on the plane beside me
Clearly an Guardian when I needed him
Today started at 6am
Good am went back to the park
Went to passport office with Michael
Roman would not take him aft nap when I was gone or when I returned
Tried for an hour.... Maybe got him to sleep 30mins
How to pack ?
HARD.  With a cranky active baby,,, mix of him on me with ergo baby and putting him and all his toys into the crib.  Threw everything into bags
Michael and Tanya came at 6:30pm. 
Airport.. Security is difficult with all the bags plus baby and no English
Tania kissed us goodbye and criticized my packing. Roman finally slept on the flight thanks to angel man. Transferred him to ergo baby. Again freaking hard to do and keep baby asleep and get stroller plus bags onto bus shuttle.  Angel papa with the mustache.  Like Dad only Russian and with a moustache.  Now we are driving to Elanas house to drop off documents for embassy.  Tonight! Insane but she needs them.  I am exhausted o.n every level, must find reserve
I will listen to Roman sleep,  we are heart to heart. He's amazing, were amazing, this is truly amazing

Oh and hauling a giant suitcase off a conveyer belt with a sleeping baby tied to your front was next to freaking impossible but it also made me feel like superwoman

This is my everest
The summit is within view
Roman is way better then Everest

Russian drivers and freaking nuts.  I am swearing a lot

Hotel Volgograd with it's newest guest

Our new life started in this little hotel room.  Very high ceilings, beautiful big window but not all that condusive to life with an emerging toddler.  It is impossible to baby proof so we are limited to playing on the bed, hanging in the crib and strolling the hallways.  We had one precious day of sunshine and spent hours at the park by the river, which was just so incredible.  The pics are on my iphone which currently refuses to synch with my laptop so I will need to post them when I get home but that afternoon was a highlight of this whole experience.  For the first time in his little life Roman got to play in the sand, swing on a swing set, roam freely in the sunshine with his mama.  No one watching, no rules, no time limit, pure FREEDOM. 

The majority of our time though for the three days at this hotel was spent in our little room.  I tried my best to keep his schedule but is very difficult with the errands and meetings that have to happen so we can leave.  Roman has been a trooper.  He amazes me every moment and I have enormous respect for his little being.  No fear, such trust, open to all the newness and doing the best that he can to adjust.  Sleep has been challenging for him but we've learned through trial and error what works.  Sometimes I let him cry it out and hide in the bathroom for the 5-7 mins it takes for him to settle.  Sometimes I stay in the room and sing to him while he lounges in the crib.  Sometimes we nap in the big bed.  We dine in most of the time but have ventured out to the cafe a few times so mama can have a cappuchino but he doesn't like to be still so it's a quick trip and all food is "to go".  I have a bottle/baby food jar warmer in the room and a kettle for my coffee so we can stay in most of the time.

I savour every moment with him, knowing that these are the moments we are truly becoming mama and son. 

Paka!

Gotcha Day

Gotcha Day was yesterday four days ago but this whole new single mom in Russia has kept me a little preoccupied.  LOL
The day after gotcha day I can say is really when I felt like a mom. Sitting in a tiny bathroom on the tile floor writing this with a chocolate bar beside me (dinner) sitting against the door waiting for the sound of silence from the other side.  It's Roman's bedtime and I just put him down to sleep.  If he sees me or hears me then he will cry but he is super tired so I gotta wait it on on the tile.  I thought I should take the change to catch up my blog....

Ok Gotcha Day
It was surreal, sweet, sad, stressful and so joyous.
The day started with T. picking me up to get gifts and party supplies for the gotcha day party.  It was raining so we drove, T is a nervous driver, in case she ever reads this, I will leave it at that.  We picked up the supplies, drove to the baby home and tried to find parking, which took awhile.

We walked through the gates for the last time.  Saw the male doctor who is a bit smitten with me and gave me a few too many kisses but that's a story for another day.  We gave him and the others doctors their little gifts.  The head doctor is a little less smitten with me and I still think believes that it is because I let Roman touch the floor that he kept getting fevers.  However, when I told her that there is a diaper delivery coming soon she was very appreciative as they are very short on diapers and have to limit the babies diaper  changes to conserve them.  We saw the social worker, got the necessary paperwork and gave her one of the necklaces.  I saw her a little later wearing it which warmed my heart.  We went down the stairwell to the play room for the last time.  They were dressing him when we arrived. 

He smiled his big smile when he saw me and was clearly very excited about my arrival.  The caregivers gave me the note cards that I had left for them to write notes for Roman.  I am so grateful to have to read to him someday.  Precious words from the women that cared for him for the first thirteen months of his life.  Sacred memories of the beginning of his life story.  He was cared for, watched over carefully and loved in this place that does the very best that they can for the children in their care.

Today though, his new life begins.  I picked him up, with him in my arms said teary, grateful good byes and left the playroom for the last time.  Roman never looked back, eager to start the next phase of his life.

The Meeting Place

my spot

This is the spot that i wait for entry to the Baby House.  I have waited here about nineteen times.  I wanted to record this special place.  Under this tree or sitting in the big pipe is where I've sat every day.  Today is the last time I will walk through those gates.  Today I will walk out with my little man.  My Baby Bird and I are set free in a matter of hours.
Good-bye special spot, hello world

Last Solo Dinner

I had a dinner date all lined up for tonight with the Amerixcan couple who I met yesterday.  The idea of going out for a nice dinner with people and people that spoke english was very very exciting.  I have mastered the dining solo experience after eights days but nonetheless a change was welcome.

We were to meet at 8pm in the hotel lobby but they called at 7:30pm and had to cancel.  They were just too tired and stressed to venture out.  I completely understand how exhausting travel and court stress is so I get it but I was still a little bummed out for myself.  What to do?  Another night of assembled fridge sandwich, cheap champagne, skype, fb and the first season of "Parenthood"? Tempting to fall back on what has been my evening ritual but tonight is special.  This is the last night before my hotel as well as the rest of my life changes radically.  I told myself to put on something nicer then leggings, take your iphone for company and hit the town.  So I did.  I went to the restaurant we had planned to go to that I know from our first trip is delicious and has free WiFi.

I ordered wine and beef strongenoff and savoured it.  I had a cappuchino and dessert and throughly enjoyed my own company.... well... not exactly alone.... I called my parents on Wifi and used the iphone to show them around so we felt like we were dining together.  Thank goodness for wifi.  I would lose my mind if I couldn't share my moments with the people I love, even if it's through cyber space.

I safely navigated back to the hotel, stuffed with food and feeling fine for a well last night as a single gal

Paka!
xoxox
 

My hotel room is looking HIPP

HIPP baby food is stocked and ready

I have baby prepped my hotel room.  I have a baby feeding zone which as formally a coffee and champagne area.  It now has an impressive assortment of baby jars, formula, cereal, water, baby food warming device, baby spoons, super bib, bowls with the suction cup on the bottom, wet naps, paper towels and that's just the food zone.  There is also a baby changing table with all things baby bum and a toy zone.  I am however currently without crib but that is to be delivered by the hotel Monday morning.  I have no idea where they put it in here but they assure me that they will find a place.

As for the type of baby foods they are apparently organic with an assuring "Bio" on the label but as for flavours I stuck to the basic cow and turkey.  I asked what he likes and the caregivers said food, they give it to them and they eat it.  I guess it doesn't pay to be a picky eater when there's one offer and one offer only.  The food at the orphanage may lack some selection but it is all hand prepared traditionally and probably has much more nutrients then much of what is contained on a baby food shelf in North America.  Even the juice they are given is actually the water left from stewing fruit.

So the champage is put away and all the baby items carefully laid out.  Ready for "Gotcha Day"!

Dorothy was onto something

My fellow adoptive single mom Stacey (wow that needs a short form) pointed out my red shoes for court.  She also wore red shoes and she like Dorothy clicked her heels and wished for home.  Only to find out she had the power all along.  There may be something to this red shoe good luck charm.  I had them on and like magic the great and powerful Oz granted my request.  In reality, I just really lucked out on getting to see "the Wizard" himself who had the power and the inclination to waive the wait.
So to everyone in the process awaiting court try out the red shoes.  Click your heels and eventually we all get to go home.

"There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home"

Cappuchino with Wifi

I finally figured out why I get a strong wifi signal but cannot actually connect to wifi at the Grande Cafe.  A waiter who speaks a bit of english explained it to me this afternoon.  There is a special wifi menu and you must order from this menu to get a card which has a secret password which allows you to connect to their Wifi signal.  After 7 days of ordering non Wifi cappuccino's I finally have discovered the secret.  However, each cappuccino gives you one megabyte of data which I found out is six minutes of video skype.  I was happily chatting to my sister and six minutes is really just a greeting for us so I had to order another cappuccino so I could keep chatting.  We stopped the video calling and used just the calling feature but before we knew it I was out of time yet again.  I asked the waiter if I can buy more time but no, I must buy something from the Wifi menu which consists of only coffee, juice and beer.  Ok then, another cappuccino it is then.  So now it's 11:30pm and I am still buzzing from all that caffeine.  Maybe next time I will order beer.

Cheers!

I believe in Miracles-

Generally, I am a believer in the wisdom of the Universe, in life unfolding just as it should, in the law of attraction and that what you put out is often reflected back to you.  Specifically I believe that today I was part of a miracle.  Today was our court date.  It wasn't just mine though I am the one that is named as the person making the requests of the court.  Today was not about me but came through me.  Today was about the miracle little man.

It took a team of miracle workers to get to the verdict.  There is the team in Canada that is rooted at the Agency which took me on as their client.  They do an incredible amount of work and do it with love, care and amazing accuracy and detail.  There is the team in Russia.  I have a guardian angel in my wise and funny translator who is my guide here and without her I would be lost.  I have my representive who I call "The Godfather" because his mannerisms are very similar in nature but also because like one my my fellow adoptive mom's pointed out to me, he is a father figure here.  Strong, authoratative but very concerned for your well being.  I am also pretty sure could kick some serious butt if called for.  Today, I met the rest of the Russian team.  There were nine people in court today and all were there for the well being of one little boy.  I will not go into details as Court is taken very seriously and it is very private but it was a profound experience.  I can tell you that there were tears and not just mine.  There were thorough and thoughtful questions from the Judge and Prosecuter.  The care for Roman was palatable.  This was not just a formality but a legal and sacred proceeding to determine Roman's future and at the centre of everything was always what was in the best interests of this child.

I was very prepared for court but as so often happens in life and almost always to me, plans changed.  I was asked not to refer to my neatly written, well prepared, four pages of speeches.  The Judge wanted to speak to me and hear what I had to say without the use of notes.  This I was not ready for and I felt quite close to passing out when he asked that the papers be put away.  I took a deep breathe, looked his Honour in the eye and spoke with my head and heart alligned.  I present for a living so being in front of an audience feels natural but this was another stratosphere.  I envisioned the room full of my family and friends to join the strangers and stood very close to my translator so I could pull in some of her strong energy.  The words came, the tears flowed and I made my requests and pleaded my case with the support of everyone in the room. I asked for full guardianship of Roman and I asked that the Court make the decision immediate so that I may take Roman home as soon as possible.  The 10 day wait is mandatory but my Judge has the authority to waive it and though it almost never happens, there is a chance, however small.

Court was concluded and we were asked to wait in the hall for His Honours verdict.  We were called back in and the Judge gave his decision. The Court rules in favour of my petition, he declares me Roman's mother and it is IMMEDIATE.

I lost it.  I kissed the Judge (after getting approval of course) I beamed with joy.... actually I am still beaming. It's official and it's immediate.

I believe in miracles

Blog going Private

Hello,
I am going to keep my blog restricted to invited readers only until after Court.  I looked at my stats and there have been visitors from Russia.  I may be taking on the paranoia vibe but since I am not always careful about my words and things could be misunderstood or lost in translation so I am going into stealth mode.  I also unactivated the e-mail subscription feature so you will need to manually check it to see what I am up to.

Court is tomorrow so once I have the good news and it's all official I will reactivate it and my rants will once again come to your inbox.

I just had two and a half hours of court prep with my translator and lawyer.  It was intense, I am very nervous about answering the questions correctly and giving my speech to the judge. I need to review my notes and practice my speech.

I will take a break later to share about the awesome morning I had with my fever free, super active, happy little man. 

fever free and feelin fine