Sliding Doors

Has anyone seen this movie?

This is how I feel now that I am back.  I feel like one of me is still in Russia and one of me is home.  I get up in the morning, take off my eye mask (a habit we picked up in Russia) get up and go through the motions of my life here.  I feel though as if I could put that sleep mask back on, wake up over again and be in our hotel room ready to start our day there.

I feel like I could easily open a door and I would be in Russia.  The trip still lingers.  I open my change purse and have twoonies mixed with rubles.  I leave out Baby Birds toy bag so I won't forget to take it.  I check the time and my first thought is when are we meeting our translator.  I look for Cat and find it so odd that I would need to phone her to talk to her, I've grown accustomed to her always being within earshot.  I see my family watching videos of Baby Bird and I feel like he's within reach and not on the other side of the world.  My car feels foreign to me.  I sip my coffee from my Moscow Starbucks travel mug.  I said thank you in Russian (badly as usual) when someone gave me change yesterday.

I am so happy to have my family and loved one's in arms reach and not in cyber space, I appreciate and feel the love and joy.
At the same time I feel like this is a nice visit but I am ready to board a plane and go back for him now.

I am forever changed, and what I have added to my existence just needs some time to hang out with who I was before we boarded that plane.
In that magical blend, I will be truly myself.

Home Sweet Home

Friday June 24, 2011

Today was the journey back to Canada.  We had the opportunity to see our adoptive friends in Moscow coming home with their daughter right before we departed.  It was wonderful to see a family bringing their daughter home, to see what lay ahead.  It was rewarding to see the end of the journey but hard to comprehend that Baby Bird's gotcha day may be 12 weeks away.  I wish I could just stay here and sit outside the judge's door until they let me take him home.  I know though that the process will happen in it's own time, that I need to focus on doing my part and let the process unfold.  Resistance will just create more strain so once again it's time to take a breath and step forward.  This time it's to come back home carrying Baby Bird in our hearts.  To share our stories, brag about his perfection, be held by our memories and prepare for the next trip.

Paka
xoxoxxo

Red Square and St Basil's Cathedral

Thursday June 23rd

Today we had the afternoon to be tourists in Moscow.  All paperwork was completed and our flight scheduled for the next day so nothing left to do but enjoy Moscow.

Gorgeous day today,  warm but not too hot, sunny but not blinding, a light breeze in the air.  Our driver let us out at Red Square and we spent the afternoon exploring. Powerful, beautiful, substantial, awe inspiring beauty.

Garden at the entrance to Red Square

The entrance to Red Square

renovating

Japanese tourists have some photo fun

St Basil's Cathedral

looking up inside the turret

inside the Cathedral

The Infamous Eight Doctor Medical

Wednesday June 22nd

This part of the process has been a source of fear for me from the beginning of this journey.  I actually had decided against adopting from Russia years ago when I heard about this part of the paperwork.  I do not like being examined by my family doctor let alone eight of them in a foreign country.  The concept of this process was almost unimaginable.  Funny how something unimaginable becomes reality then it becomes possible.  As I write this it is done.

The process is like a medical scavenger hunt.  We met my translator at 8am and the adventure began.  We walked to the medical clinic and started the search.  Each doctor is a specialist and the goal is to manage to pop into their offices between their client appointments, have them examine me then add their stamp to my medical passport.  First stop was blood work, just writing that word is making me a little queasy.  Cat came in with me for this one along with the translator.  I was not allowed to be caffeinated or fed before so it was not my finest moment.  Cat let me bury my head in her armpit and it was all over in a a few minutes.

Then down the corridors we went, up stairs, down elevators, sat in a chair, paid an invoice, went down another hallway, a maze of doors.  Some of the exams were questions only, some involved being topless, one involved medieval looking suction cups on my chest.  Cat patiently waited in the hall for me for each appointment.  It was so much easier to go through the odd experiences knowing Cat was right outside and soon we'd be giggling over the bizarre thing that was happening.

The highlight of the day was the lovely grandma x-ray technician that sweetly took me by the hand and gently guided me into the poses for the machine. I asked if Cat could take our picture in the hallway after and she gave me the biggest, warmest, sweetest grandma hug.

Medicals done! I owe my sister, the kind translator and this heaven sent x-ray technician a world of gratitude for being exactly who I needed, exactly when I needed it.

xoxo

Driving in Circles

Last night we arrived in Moscow after our two hour flight from Volgograd.  It was pretty easy travel and we came through the smaller airport so customs was also a breeze.  We were picked up by Dimitri the driver then sat in heavy Moscow traffic for over an hour and a half.   Moscow traffic sucks, it always sucks, regardless of the time of day.  There are no lines on the roads, it is set up in giant conscentric circles starting from downtown.

The transit system is the second  largest in the world so you only drive as a last resort.  Most people don't own cars yet the roads are packed.  There are no cabs to hail so you must preplan to hire a driver and they charge a minimum of $70 US regardless of how long you are in the car.  We have been driven for half an hour or several hours and it's always the same.  I have no idea how the tourists manage without a driver service.  There are no signs in English and very few people you might ask for directions speak nor understand it.  Oh and drivers in Russia drive like they are being chased by the devil.  Fast, reckless and loud.  We just get is, shut up, hold on and pray!

Paka Volgograd- Privet Moscow

We leave Volgorad today for Moscow.  Today it rained... poured actutally.  We think the sky is crying because the city is sad to see us go.  We had our last coffee  and crepes at the Grande Cafe, the last papers signed, documents exchanged and then it was off to the little Volgograd airport.  Tonight we will be in Moscow and stay there for the final 3 days of this trip.

We had loved every moment in Volgograd.  It is truly a magical place to fall in love. 

 

Until we meet again

Monday June 21st

Our last visit with Baby Bird for this trip.  It was bittersweet.  Our last playtime was filled with snuggles, joy, and laughter.  Baby Bird was his usual charming, sweet, active self and to him it was just another fun playtime with his new friends.  For us we knew that each moment was precious as the clocked ticked away. 

Each step back to his room is embedded in my memory.  I kept my heart open and warm and found strength to put one foot ahead of the other.  I kept repeating to myself that I will leave the memory of joy and not heartbreak.  I know at my core that he will be just fine in my absense, we will be with him in spirit every moment we are apart.  In his little world, life will go on as it did before.  He is loved by his caregivers and thriving in their care.  This will not change in my absence.  I had to fully surrender and have unconditional trust in the most challenge moment in my life. I felt a piece of my heart go with him as he left my arms and was embraced by another.  I did not shed a tear as long as he could see my face.  When his little back was to me there was no stopping a few from falling.  His favourite caregiver tried to soothe me with her kind voice.  She promised that they would love him, care for him and that I will be back soon.  They will celebrate his birthday and he can keep the little stuffed cat by his side until I return.

Until me meet again my perfect sweet little bird.

Bithday Goodie Bag

Baby Bird's birthday will be be while I am away so I have been shopping for birthday treats to leave for him at the orphanage.  The goodie bag is filled with toys, candies for the party, a first birthday card in Russian and a letter from mama.  I thought it was complete but in a little shop where we stop to pick up diapers en route to the orphanage I found an unexpected addition.  Along with the food items on the shelves, we spotted a  bright blue cheshire cat stuffed toy that seemed to want to join the party bag.  Just like Baby Bird this little guy was snuggle soft, smiling, playful and full of joy.  I picked him up off the shelf and a lady at the store came over and gave him a squeeze.  A sweet little song came from the toy.  It was in russian so we had no idea what the words were but the melody was sweet. 

When we arrived at the orphanage, I asked our translator to listen to the little cat and tell us what he said.  She said it was a poem.  These are the words

I am lying on the grass and have one hundred dreams in my head
If you lie together with me , we have two hundred dreams

Notary Day

Monday June 20th

Arrived at 4pm to the Office of the Notary to sign the official Petition to Adopt.  I don't know what I was expecting but just as everything else seems to have unfolded, she was heaven sent.  There were some issues with my paperwork but it got corrected and Zoya the Notary stayed late so that I could finish the paperwork. 

Zoya the Notary is a 70 year old woman in a white blouse that resembles the Queen.  Beautiful, regal, kind and wise, she hand transcribes the records into two books.  These books will remain in the office for the next 70 years.  She is the only one allowed to write in these books.  After all the papers were signed she took out a bag of candy from her desk drawer and selected three for each of us.  This kind, angelic women with the sweet smile and white hair kissed  and cooed over the picture I showed her of Baby Bird.

I introduced her to Cat and true to my terrible Russian language skills, I proudly introduced her a Baby Bird's pig instead of Aunt.  The two words in Russian are very similar.  She laughed and said that at least my word was for a clean, nice pig.  She allowed a photograph to be taken and provided art direction.

After the giggles, she got up from her regal desk and came around to meet me.  She looked into my eyes said to me

"R. will grow up to be my proctector
He will bring me much happiness and love
.......and one day a daughter in law that I will also love"

The words were unexpected and deeply moving. Again, this journey has been blessed by the heavens.

Our daily schedule

8:30am
Wake up, have breakfast at the hotel (slimy eggs or cereal)

9:30am
Take the subway (one stop) and walk (a couple of blocks) to meet our translator Tania at the Baby Home

10-12pm
Visit with Baby Bird
We can walk him around the grounds of the Baby Home outside


or in the "Music Room" inside

12-2pm  Naptime at the Baby Home so we need to leave.  To pass the time we have lunch or a coffee on one of the many patio cafes or run errands.

2-4pm Back to the Baby Home for Baby Bird time

Evenings...... Dinner at a cafe, stroll in the park, shopping at the market, meeting up with other adopting couples, skype, connect with home.

 

Then it's off to bed often far too late due to the drastic time difference (eight and a half hours) As I type this it's after midnight but I am still wide awake.  Though I suspect it may also be the the desire to stretch out the days with him and soak in every moment I have been granted.  Tomorrow is our last day like this then we will be on the next trek of the journey.  I will cherish each snuggle, giggle and gummy smile, his kicky feet and perfect baby smell.  Goodnight 

Happy Father's Day Dye-dush-ka

Happy Father's Day Grandpa
love from Russia from your Chicks and your new Baby Bird

Lost in Translation

For some reason when I was in Canada trying to learn “Thank you” in Russian I learned it as “Sassy-baa” this is not the correct pronunciation.  It’s not even all that close.  It is pronounced “Spa-si-ba” and you say it like you are sneezing. Now that I am in Russia I can’t seem to break this habit.  Try as I may every time I proudly thank the people I say it completely wrong and they laugh at me.  Cat also giggles and corrects me each and every time.  We are polite Canadians so this happens many times each day. 

Water in Russia comes in several forms.  It is very hot here at the moment so we need to obtain bottled water many times a day.  While we usually manage to order water, we can’t seem to sort out all the varieties.  Water can be “still” or “with gas” and you can get both medium and highly gassed.  Water also comes in the salted and not salted variety.  Unfortunately, on very bumpy subway ride I had a coughing fit and little did I know that the water I would open to quench this attack was of highly gassy salted kind.   So I am coughing like crazy, standing on the subway, with an ice cream bar in one hand and a bottle of gassy water in the other.  Coughing commences, I desperately open the bottle and it exploded onto me and an old man who was already not to happy with the crazy coughing lady.  Cat is trying to act out an apology and I feel like I am clinging to dear life.  The lady on the cell phone and mini skirt smiles at this commotion and is not at all bothered by the fact that I have exploded water onto her shiny mini skirt and continues to banter on the phone.

We went out for dinner with an American couple and our waitress did not speak any English.  This is not unusual and we usually get away with charades and pointing at the pictures on the menu.  We only dine in restaurants that have pictures on the menu.  Claudia wanted sweetener for her tea so I proudly whip out my Russian phrasebook to find the Russian word.  The waitress was already losing patience with us at this point so I am feeling ever so helpful at finding my handy little book to help the situation.  I look up from my book ready to impress and order a sweater.  In my handy phrase book the word for sweater is directly above the word for sweetener.  The stoic waitress couldn’t help but crack a smile.

Last but not least, I regularly call this fine city “Volvo-grad” as in the car.  The name of the city is “Volgograd”.  I am blaming it on baby brain.

Mother Russia

Yesterday we made the trek to pay our respects to Mother Russia.  Larger then the Statue of Liberty, her goddess presence takes your breath away.  She demands you climb two hundred steps to greet her, one for each day of the Stalingrad battle. Humbled in her presence, she is the embodiment of feminine strength, beauty, power and grace. Sword held high into the heavens, she protects her Country.  In the Square of Sorrow in which she precides over, the remains of 34, 505 soldiers lie beneath.  Weighing over eight thousand tons, an interpretation of Nikka – goddess of the victory.  In stark contrast to her grand scale, the Russians say the monument bears a likeness to a bird flying in the skies.

The Square of Sorrow changing of the guard.

Busy Mama Bird

We are having the time of our lives! 
There's just not enough time in the day to fit it all in but I carry you all here in my heart with me. 
I get 4 hours a day with Baby Bird and each moment we fall deeper in love.
He is pure joy in a onsie
So happy, animated, curious, snuggly, active, healthy and strong.
So charming, one glance from his toothless smile and we swoon.
When we can't be with him, we are loving the city of Volgograd.  Every day we are meeting new friends, seeing places that take our breath away, eating the most delicious food and sipping on heaven sent lattes.