At the end of the event Cat and I locked eyes for the first time in many hours and no words were needed. Cat's face mirrored what I felt. It's the second time in this journey I have been left speechless. The first was the moment I met Baby Bird. I picked him up into my arms and we locked eyes. It was done, windows to the souls matched in a silent recognition of mother and child.
The scene was very different this time. Across the world from the orphanage where my son resides, in our new neighbourhood spot, fittingly as hot as the orphanage as neither has air conditioning. Cat and I covered in sweat... almost panting... completely emptied with exhaustion and filled with gratitude.
When we found words they weren't fully formed, hands placed over our hearts we could only manage to babble. "That was intense... I know... Whoa... Wow... I can't even.... So much... Can you believe... I'm."
We let out the first exhale I remember in many hours. Like getting off a roller coaster, legs still a bit wobbly from the ride.
We looked around and realized that we hadn't made it over to the video booth yet to record our message to Baby Bird so we sat down on the little stools, took a breath and pressed "record". Cat being a PR professional found the words and spoke to the camera- still glowing - Cat delivered a sweet, animated, loving message to him. I sat there beside her trying to add something but I think I only got a few babbling words out.
Cat got up and I decided to try again. I pulled the stool up closer to the lens and pressed "record" The tears that were kept at bay with all the busyness of the day started to flow. Some day, years from now when he watches that message I hope he will be able to see that the tears came from my heart which was full of love and broken by his absence... and that the babbling, rambling mess of a women pouring her heart out to the lens was already his devoted mama and feeling what mama's feel when they are separated from their baby.
Happy Birthday Baby Bird
xoxoxoxxoxoxo
Welcome to my adoption blog. I am a thirty something Canadian Chick in the process of becoming a mommy bird through international adoption. I can't promise that my mind and heart won't wander off topic as I am apt to do and so may my posts. I can promise that I will share with you the joy and pain that is the stuff of all great journeys. The facts and the feelings, the laughter and the tears, the lessons and the bliss.
3 comments:
This made me cry.... Happy Birthday Baby Bird! May you fly home with Mama Bird soon.....
As another crazy day begins here in Brooklyn, your real-life story continues to bring so much emotion as to leave my throat dry, eyes wet and heart full. The loving Canadian village that will welcome this baby with arms wide just keeps on growing...
Your honesty is moving and touching. I am teary now - tis a good thing I haven't done my make up yet! I love being a part of this journey with you! The event was fun and memorable. I had no doubts that you and Cat would pack the house! I love you so much! XOXOXOXO
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