Believe

I Believe
I am here for a reason
in amazing possibilities
in kindness, caring, and goodness
in the light at the end of the tunnel and hope to be that light for a special little girl

Cupid's Visit

I have always suspected but now I know for sure that friends are the best Valentine's. This is my first man-less love day and it's the first time I have come home to a surprise awaiting me on Valentine's Day. Men in general have an adversion to awknowledging this hallmark holiday and my men have been no exception. I get it, it's a rationally and sociologically sound stance but it also sucks the fun from the frivolous festivities. Girlfriends get it, we love any excuse for treats and things heart shaped. This year I had zero expectations for cupid to visit and just like they say, when you stop looking.... voila... the Universe delivers. This time the cosmos cupid came in the form of my lovely friend Holly. I arrived home and cupid had visited! She delivered flowers.... gerber daisies (my favourite) no less and a little brown box. Doesn't a little brown box make every girl clap and giggle? In the little box was the sweetest little silver babushska love necklace. I've been wearing around my neck, close to my heart (when the birdie is not modelling it for photo shoots) until next Valentine's Day when my little bird will have her little wings around me.

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Natural Time

In Nia one of the principles we are taught is natural time. We live most of our lives through mechanical time, a clock and a calendar dictates most of our activities. When we get up, go to work, meet a friend, eat, sleep and so on according to our schedules.

Natural time is a very different way of experiencing the world, moving in time according to natural cues. Sleep when you are tired, eat when you are hungry, eat what's in season, and in Nia, move your body through space in an organic way... listen to your body's cues instead of the count.

How does this apply to adoption? As I see it, in the adoption journey "time" is a concept that is at the forefront and it strikes me that maybe the lessons of natural time could be a useful tool. The dizzying amount of paperwork, classes, meetings and contracts are all on a very precise and mechanical schedule and often we are busting our butts to beat the clock. What happens once the cheque is the mail or the phone hung up after hours on hold? After the flurry there seems to be an inevitible quiet when all you can do is done and what's left is what many of us dread more then the heaps of paper and postage, it's the wait.

The wait can be the hardest part. Nothing to report, nothing to file, nothing to report. So we calculate what can't be calculated. Start all the what if's? For me it goes something like this. So my paperwork gets there on this date and let's say it takes 5 months to be chosen for a referral... that would put my first trip in June... Hmm I wonder what the flight prices are like in June...on to the internet I go.... oh but I have a big work thing in June and that overtime would be really helpful so July would be better.... Russia in July.... ok let's check the temps in the Region.... back to the web..... Damn, I see that it's more likely that my first trip will be 6 months because I've asked for a girl.... that makes it July/August for first trip then October for the second... that's my heavy season at work... I can't do that.... how will I do that? Crap, they'll have to replace me during peak season and everyone will hate me and..... I think you get the picture. I am using a fake mechanical time frame to determine something that is going to happen in natural time.

When the time is right, when the stars align, when the Universe makes the match, then I will receive the call and only then I can spring into action. Until that fateful moment I am going to try really really hard to take off my watch, look to the light and recommit to fully surrendering to this journey.